Hating Someone Creates Nothing

There are situations when we feel like we have been betrayed by someone, and we can't forgive them. I normally wouldn't want to leave the situation as is, and would like to fix the relationship. Then how can I forgive the person and calm myself down? I have a few effective ways of thinking to deal with this kind of issue.

My first way of thinking is: to think「泥棒にも三分の理がある (dorobou nimo sanbu no ri ga aru)」which means, thieves have 30% justification. No matter how odd or unfair it sounds to us, we need to understand that thieves have their own reason for committing a crime and we don't know the whole story. We might have done the same if we were in their position.

My second way of thinking is: to understand that it is simply damaging to keep hating someone. If I keep hating the person who has done me wrong, I won't be able to get over the issue without it leading to lasting unhappiness. I don't think it is a wise idea to be continuously unhappy because of someone who has betrayed me. It's simply not worth it so, I just abandon the hate.

My third way of thinking is: to understand the issue from the perspective of Buddhism. There is a concept in Buddhism which says that people whom we interacted with in the past will eventually become a part of our own mind and body. So, to hate someone is the equivalent of hating a part of ourselves. It could eventually transform into some physical damage to ourselves.

The three ways of thinking have really helped me to ease my negative emotion. Of course, sometimes it requires a decent amount of time to get there, but somehow, I believe I have managed that quite well. As a matter of fact, I invited the original two co-founders of e-Jan to the Christmas party last week, one of them whom I once thought to have betrayed me. I stated that there were no hard feelings anymore. That is how I end up having good relationships with everyone.